...not one, but TWO people asked me yesterday if I wanted to audition for "Biggest Loser" with them! A co-worker and I have had many discussions about our weight lately. In fact, she even participated in a "Biggest Loser"-esque competition at work and tied for first place for the most number of pounds lost! However, despite her win and my having lost 17lbs on Weight Watchers, we've both gotten into a slump on our weight loss efforts.
So, she turned to me and asked me if I'd audition for the Biggest Loser with her. My first instinct was, "Heck yeah!" But, on second thought, I thought, "Man, I'm not the only one who thinks I'm HUGE!" And if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to get my purse out of my locker at the end of my shift, I saw my sister had texted me and asked, "Hey, now that I'm laid off, wanna audition for the "Biggest Loser" with me?" Oh, okay, 'cause now that YOU have free time, sure!
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem auditioning for the show. Actually getting on it, now THAT'S a different story altogether! I have no problem doing the kick-butt, six-hour long workouts or the healty eating. I do, however, have a problem with leaving my family for 4-6 months. I understand that by being away from them on the ranch, I'd be missing out on time with my 4 and 6 year-old children, those big milestones like missing teeth as well as the day-to-day homework help and t-ball games. I'm not independently wealthy and while I do have a rather large family, I don't have anyone in that family to step in and help take care of the kids while my husband's at work 60+ hours each week. And don't even get me started on the money! How would I be able to support my family for the time that I'd be gone?!?
I am willing to audition and see if they'd even take me as a contestant. But, with the way the show's been going lately, I think I might actually not weigh enough! I would love to get the opportunity to work out with Bob and Jillian, although I might lose it and bitchslap Jillian if she got in my face. (Ahh, even thinking about doing it makes me giddy!) At least I know I'd have to lack of teammates to audition with me!
So, in the meantime, I need to recommit myself to my WW plan, find another race to start training for and get my butt out there walking! One of the other Moms in my daughter's class walks to take/pick up her daughter from school and she only lives about 3 blocks closer to the school than us. I'm thinking of giving it a shot next week. I'll keep you posted of course! Wish me luck.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Friday, November 12, 2010
You don't have to go fast. You just have to go.
I've always viewed people who do marathons as strange people. I mean, who would want to run to begin with, not to mention for 26.2 stinkin' miles?!? So, when I told my friends that I'd join them in walking a half-marathon, I saw no similarities between me and the other people who had registered, including my friends. I mean, they were all healthy, to start. I thought for sure I would be the fattest person there, looked at funny, made fun of and so on.
I think I was stressing out more over how people would percieve me than the fact that I had signed-on to walk 13.1 miles. We had to drive almost 4 hours to Fresno for the race and didn't stop at our hotel, just went straight to the expo that was held the night before to register, get our bibs, etc for the next day. It started off with me getting my bib and my shirt (I had registered for a womens' 2X) then looking at my shirt thinking, "There's no way this will fit me!" I approached the person who seemed the chunkiest at the shirt table and asked if they might have something bigger. She wrinkled her nose and huffed, "No, that's as big as they get." Great. Healthy-marathon-people, 1; Me, 0.
We rounded the first corner of the expo and ran smack-dab into the first vendor of the day, OneMoreMile.net. I'm not a runner, barely what I would consider a "walker" and I must say I loved their products! They had shirts (none of which looked remotely my size), hats, stickers, and all kinds of athletic-y stuff which I didn't know what it was all used for (and am still wondering about the whole "marathon glove" thing? Anybody?!?) But, what I loved the most was a bumper sticker that said, "You don't have to go fast. You just have to go." I decided then and there, that this would be my mantra for the next day.
I must say, my friends were wonderful! There were 10 of us participating in the race and one of them was pretty experienced in the whole "running big races" thing. She and her husband were kind enough to host us all for a wonderful pre-race dinner Saturday night. (Thanks, Di and Andy!) Then they organized our caravan at 5:40am (Yes, I got up at the butt-crack of dawn to exercise...shocker!) My friends were so wonderful! There were 3 runners and the rest of us walked the half-marathon. I am eternally grateful to Jo for giving me a pep talk that inspired me just before the race started.
My friends were walking at a faster pace than I so I told them to go ahead and I'd meet them at the finish line. I plugged in my ipod earbuds, and set off on my own, determined to complete this. And I did. It took me 4 hours, 25 minutes and 11 seconds to walk 13.1 miles, but I did it. Sure, I may have taken longer to walk a half-marathon than it took many people to run a whole one, but I did it! I finished 581 out of 598 women walking the half-marathon portion, but not only did I do it, but I did and still managed to crack jokes with strangers on the sidelines in the last half-mile! There were many times when I wanted to quit, when my blisters were hurting so bad I wanted to cry, when I saw person after person passing me. That's when I thought of my family, especially my daughter. I so wanted to make her proud of me, but to do that, I had to finish what I started.
Seeing my friend Rachel at the finish line was the best part of the race, after finishing of course! She gave me the biggest hug, sweat and all...now THAT'S a friend! I started telling her that I did this to prove to everyone that I could do it. The problem was, the person I had to prove it to the most was myself. My old self would've made big plans, started out with gusto, then quickly petered out and not gone through with it. I'm not just talking about weight-loss stuff, either. I did that with everything in my life. But, after accomplishing this and realizing that I can in fact, do anything I set my mind to do, I can apply this new boost of confidence to all areas of my life. After all, there were total strangers on the side of the course cheering me on. If they don't know me and still have faith in me, then I guess I should too!
So, yeah, I have to admit that I used to think marathon-people were crazy! Now, I can't wait to do another half-marathon. Guess I'm crazy, too. But, as I look back, I can't help but remember one of the bumper stickers I saw said, "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."--John J. Bingham
I think I was stressing out more over how people would percieve me than the fact that I had signed-on to walk 13.1 miles. We had to drive almost 4 hours to Fresno for the race and didn't stop at our hotel, just went straight to the expo that was held the night before to register, get our bibs, etc for the next day. It started off with me getting my bib and my shirt (I had registered for a womens' 2X) then looking at my shirt thinking, "There's no way this will fit me!" I approached the person who seemed the chunkiest at the shirt table and asked if they might have something bigger. She wrinkled her nose and huffed, "No, that's as big as they get." Great. Healthy-marathon-people, 1; Me, 0.
We rounded the first corner of the expo and ran smack-dab into the first vendor of the day, OneMoreMile.net. I'm not a runner, barely what I would consider a "walker" and I must say I loved their products! They had shirts (none of which looked remotely my size), hats, stickers, and all kinds of athletic-y stuff which I didn't know what it was all used for (and am still wondering about the whole "marathon glove" thing? Anybody?!?) But, what I loved the most was a bumper sticker that said, "You don't have to go fast. You just have to go." I decided then and there, that this would be my mantra for the next day.
I must say, my friends were wonderful! There were 10 of us participating in the race and one of them was pretty experienced in the whole "running big races" thing. She and her husband were kind enough to host us all for a wonderful pre-race dinner Saturday night. (Thanks, Di and Andy!) Then they organized our caravan at 5:40am (Yes, I got up at the butt-crack of dawn to exercise...shocker!) My friends were so wonderful! There were 3 runners and the rest of us walked the half-marathon. I am eternally grateful to Jo for giving me a pep talk that inspired me just before the race started.
My friends were walking at a faster pace than I so I told them to go ahead and I'd meet them at the finish line. I plugged in my ipod earbuds, and set off on my own, determined to complete this. And I did. It took me 4 hours, 25 minutes and 11 seconds to walk 13.1 miles, but I did it. Sure, I may have taken longer to walk a half-marathon than it took many people to run a whole one, but I did it! I finished 581 out of 598 women walking the half-marathon portion, but not only did I do it, but I did and still managed to crack jokes with strangers on the sidelines in the last half-mile! There were many times when I wanted to quit, when my blisters were hurting so bad I wanted to cry, when I saw person after person passing me. That's when I thought of my family, especially my daughter. I so wanted to make her proud of me, but to do that, I had to finish what I started.
Seeing my friend Rachel at the finish line was the best part of the race, after finishing of course! She gave me the biggest hug, sweat and all...now THAT'S a friend! I started telling her that I did this to prove to everyone that I could do it. The problem was, the person I had to prove it to the most was myself. My old self would've made big plans, started out with gusto, then quickly petered out and not gone through with it. I'm not just talking about weight-loss stuff, either. I did that with everything in my life. But, after accomplishing this and realizing that I can in fact, do anything I set my mind to do, I can apply this new boost of confidence to all areas of my life. After all, there were total strangers on the side of the course cheering me on. If they don't know me and still have faith in me, then I guess I should too!
So, yeah, I have to admit that I used to think marathon-people were crazy! Now, I can't wait to do another half-marathon. Guess I'm crazy, too. But, as I look back, I can't help but remember one of the bumper stickers I saw said, "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."--John J. Bingham
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I had to surrender!
Okay, so I know I said I wanted to do this without joining Weight Watchers, but the fact is, losing weight is hard. Losing more than a hundred pounds? MUCH harder! I can't possibly count the number of times I've joined and quit Weight Watchers, but I know that when I've applied myself to what their program offers, I've been successful. So, hopefully this time, I'll be able to stick with it!
Well, here's the gory details...by the time I joined 14 weeks ago, I weighed a whopping 269.2 pounds! All I could say was,"Holy crap!" However, I have since been taking it day by day and have not only lost 14.2 pounds, but have signed up to walk a half-marathon. Yeah, I know, doesn't seem like me, but my old, lazy habits are what got me here, so now it's time to change for the better!
November 7th is the big day for my half-marathon, and while I'm not quite a runner like the other thin, active nurses I work with, I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable talking about mile times, hydration and training with them. In fact, I'm feeling pretty badass!
Do I think I'm badass enough to be able to finish the half? Mmmm...maybe. Do I think I'll need a week to recover? DEFINITELY! But at least I made a committment and am sticking to it. Now I've just got to be that committed to fueling my body with healthy foods so hopefully it'll speed up my weight loss in the meantime. Wish me luck and I'll keep you posted!
Well, here's the gory details...by the time I joined 14 weeks ago, I weighed a whopping 269.2 pounds! All I could say was,"Holy crap!" However, I have since been taking it day by day and have not only lost 14.2 pounds, but have signed up to walk a half-marathon. Yeah, I know, doesn't seem like me, but my old, lazy habits are what got me here, so now it's time to change for the better!
November 7th is the big day for my half-marathon, and while I'm not quite a runner like the other thin, active nurses I work with, I'm starting to feel a bit more comfortable talking about mile times, hydration and training with them. In fact, I'm feeling pretty badass!
Do I think I'm badass enough to be able to finish the half? Mmmm...maybe. Do I think I'll need a week to recover? DEFINITELY! But at least I made a committment and am sticking to it. Now I've just got to be that committed to fueling my body with healthy foods so hopefully it'll speed up my weight loss in the meantime. Wish me luck and I'll keep you posted!
Monday, June 14, 2010
So, where have I been, huh?
Okay, so I got off to a rolling start and then faded--fast! I managed to lose 4lbs my first week, then somehow injured my neck. It took 3 weeks of taking pain meds before being diagnosed with a "bulging intervertebral disc" in my neck. What's that in "english"? Bascially, I did something to push out the padding that's between the bones in my neck, which pinched a nerve, sending pain down my right arm and made my fingers numb in that hand. Kind of makes it hard to do much of anything when you can't sleep for more than two hours, you are instructed to not lift or carry anything, and then get placed on medical leave from work. Let's just say that pain and lack of sleep doesn't exactly make anyone want to do much exercise, especially me!
So, here I am, two months later and I've had two epidural injections. The first to fix the pain (which it did nicely!) and the second to deal with the numbness (jury's still out on that one folks.) But dealing with all this, I have done some research on the causes of bulging discs and treatment. Well the main two causes of bulging discs are 1) obesity and 2) sedentary lifestyle...check and check! I'm surprised I didn't have this sooner! I never wanted to be this way. I never wanted to have mobility issues because of my weight. I thought I had gotten started and was on my way to better health. I guess not.
But complaining and regretting the past never got anyone anywhere,so I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and get moving. I have found that walking every day has helped. The more I walk, the more the numbness is intermittent instead of constant. The more I move and stretch, the less the muscles in my neck and upper back feel stiff and sore (FYI: epidurals are basically big needles going into your spine so it may fix the big pain but it's still sore for quite awhile.) If I can lose some weight I just might help the situation even more.
If you're reading this and think it'll never happen to you, stop. Look at all the overweight and obese people who can hardly walk because of back and joint problems. I always joked when my doctors have asked in the past if I had any health issues. My standard response was, "Other than being overweight? Nope!" And it was true. I (knock on wood) had never had any blood sugar, blood pressure, or joint issues due to my weight. Apparently it was just a matter of time. Hopefully someone will read this and do something to help themselves before something like what happened to me, happens to them. I wouldn't wish the pain and discomfort I'm going through on anyone, even a stranger.
So, here I am, two months later and I've had two epidural injections. The first to fix the pain (which it did nicely!) and the second to deal with the numbness (jury's still out on that one folks.) But dealing with all this, I have done some research on the causes of bulging discs and treatment. Well the main two causes of bulging discs are 1) obesity and 2) sedentary lifestyle...check and check! I'm surprised I didn't have this sooner! I never wanted to be this way. I never wanted to have mobility issues because of my weight. I thought I had gotten started and was on my way to better health. I guess not.
But complaining and regretting the past never got anyone anywhere,so I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and get moving. I have found that walking every day has helped. The more I walk, the more the numbness is intermittent instead of constant. The more I move and stretch, the less the muscles in my neck and upper back feel stiff and sore (FYI: epidurals are basically big needles going into your spine so it may fix the big pain but it's still sore for quite awhile.) If I can lose some weight I just might help the situation even more.
If you're reading this and think it'll never happen to you, stop. Look at all the overweight and obese people who can hardly walk because of back and joint problems. I always joked when my doctors have asked in the past if I had any health issues. My standard response was, "Other than being overweight? Nope!" And it was true. I (knock on wood) had never had any blood sugar, blood pressure, or joint issues due to my weight. Apparently it was just a matter of time. Hopefully someone will read this and do something to help themselves before something like what happened to me, happens to them. I wouldn't wish the pain and discomfort I'm going through on anyone, even a stranger.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Welcome to The Biggest Fattie!
Welcome to The Biggest Fattie, a journal of my journey to lose weight and my struggle to gain control over my health. Why call myself "The Biggest Fattie" you ask? My best friend, and fellow Weight Watchers dropout, started calling the popular NBC weight loss show by that name as a joke. It seemed every season they kept getting bigger and bigger contestants. After watching the show and saying, "Wow, that girl is big!" then realizing that I weighed more than that particular contestant, I knew I needed to do something to take back my life and get healthy. I may not win $250,000 when I'm done, but being healthy again would be worth millions to me!
Everyone has their moment when they hit rock bottom, their Oprah "A-ha" moment, or whatever you want to call it. My last straw was this morning, when I made chocolate chip cookies. I wound up eating so many that I realized I'd have to finish them off and pretend I never made them, otherwise everyone would know how many I'd eaten. Stupid, I know, but ask another Fattie and they will totally get what I'm saying.
So, here goes. I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 268.5lbs. That's a lot. That's really a lot if you're 5'3 1/2" like me! I am officially 128.5lbs more than I want to weigh. My plan is not to join Weight Watchers, like I have in the past, but to still loosely follow their plan, especially their "Guidelines for Healthy Living." I plan on eating my 5 fruits & veggies daily, drink my 8 glasses of water daily, take a daily multivitamin and get 30 minutes of exercise every day. I know I'll have good days, I know I'll have bad ones too. But, hopefully, between monitoring my eating and exercising more, I can get healthy (and hopefully thinner too) again.
I'll be weighing myself every week and posting it. That way, I have to own up to somebody or something, even if no one reads this. I also plan on using this as a sounding board, venting place and just maybe a place for celebration! If I can figure it out, I'll post what I hope will become my "before" picture (but don't count on it 'cause I'm just not that computer-savvy!) Maybe someone else who is struggling with weight issues will read this and be able to know they're not alone in this situation. Maybe it will encourage someone else to try to get healthy as well. Who knows?!?
Everyone has their moment when they hit rock bottom, their Oprah "A-ha" moment, or whatever you want to call it. My last straw was this morning, when I made chocolate chip cookies. I wound up eating so many that I realized I'd have to finish them off and pretend I never made them, otherwise everyone would know how many I'd eaten. Stupid, I know, but ask another Fattie and they will totally get what I'm saying.
So, here goes. I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 268.5lbs. That's a lot. That's really a lot if you're 5'3 1/2" like me! I am officially 128.5lbs more than I want to weigh. My plan is not to join Weight Watchers, like I have in the past, but to still loosely follow their plan, especially their "Guidelines for Healthy Living." I plan on eating my 5 fruits & veggies daily, drink my 8 glasses of water daily, take a daily multivitamin and get 30 minutes of exercise every day. I know I'll have good days, I know I'll have bad ones too. But, hopefully, between monitoring my eating and exercising more, I can get healthy (and hopefully thinner too) again.
I'll be weighing myself every week and posting it. That way, I have to own up to somebody or something, even if no one reads this. I also plan on using this as a sounding board, venting place and just maybe a place for celebration! If I can figure it out, I'll post what I hope will become my "before" picture (but don't count on it 'cause I'm just not that computer-savvy!) Maybe someone else who is struggling with weight issues will read this and be able to know they're not alone in this situation. Maybe it will encourage someone else to try to get healthy as well. Who knows?!?
Here's My Story...
It seems that, when you hear overweight people talk about how they got so heavy, there's either one of two reasons behind it. Either they've been overweight their whole lives, or something traumatic happened to them and they gained weight to deal with their emotions. My reason? Honestly, it's neither. Sure, I joke around and say that after being born just shy of eleven pounds I had nowhere to go but up, but that's not really true. I've had many times in my life when I was at a healthy weight. Never "skinny" per se, but healthy and appropriate for my genetic makeup (i.e. short "sturdy" girl of Scottish and German descent.)
I look back on pictures of me as a toddler and it seems that my birth weight didn't dictate what I was to be like as I got older. I have to admit, I was kind of a cute little kid. But then I had surgery when I was four and had to take antibiotics for a year. Needless to say, no four-year-old likes taking medicine, so my Nana (who helped raise me) would bribe me with whatever goodies I wanted if I only took my pills. I was sold on that, because, let me tell you, my Nana could cook and bake like the best of the chefs on the Food Network! I chubbed up in no time, becoming a third-grader who wore a size 11 in juniors clothing.
Do I put the blame on my Nana? Dear Lord, no! I was the one who continued to eat junk after the antibiotics were done. I was the one who snuck food into the bathroom (the only room for privacy when you're one of five kids!) I was the one who would save my allowance to go buy Hostess Cupcakes and Ho-Ho's at the corner store, eat them on the way home and toss the wrappers in the neighbors' garbage can. Let's face it, I was obsessed with food. Thankfully, puberty was kind to me as I got older. I grew 2 inches and lost 20lbs. between seventh and eighth grades. I still wasn't skinny according to most people, but was thin enough to avoid being made fun of as "the fat girl."
It wasn't until my Nana died, the day before my eighteenth birthday, that I started gaining again. Now I know what you're thinking...I denied that my weight gain was due to a tragic event. But my weight gain after Nana died wasn't from grief or mourning, it was merely the fact that my Mom and I were now the only two people in the house and with Nana doing most of the cooking, neither one of us could barely boil water! So, we ate out just about every night of the week. Now, this was before Morgan Spurlock made "Super Size Me" so it's not like salads were included on any fast food menus. And, to be honest, I doubt I would've ordered one anyway. Food at that point, was just something to fill the hole. Fast food was, well, fast and an easy solution that Mom could pick up for us on her way home. That being said, it was also before the Food Network and "30 Minute Meals" came around too!
Finally, in college, I met a guy who was a competitive dancer. Wow, did I ever fall for him, which didn't work out because A) I was fat and no guy looks at a girl who's fat as anything more than a good friend and B) he had a fiance'. But, after the class we had together ended, he told me that he'd take me dancing at a club he mentioned once I was 21. I had 18 months and was bound and determined to get in shape for dancing with this guy. I joined a gym, something I'd done before and never followed-through with, EVER! I started out by doing cardio 30 minutes/5 days a week. Eventually I increased it to 1 hour of cardio every day and 1 hour of weights every other day. It didn't take long before I could really tell a difference. I had energy, guys were talking to me and not just to get copies of the notes that I took in class, and man, did I ever look good! I still joke that back then, I had the makings of a 6-pack--I had the line down the middle and sides of my abs. Now I finally have the lines going across, but they're rolls instead!
Well I wound up impressing the heck out of the guy when we went dancing, but we only dated for a few months before I realized that he was still had a thing for his (now ex) fiance'. But, the funny thing is, I knew then that I deserved to be someone's first choice, I deserved to have someone love me and ONLY me. I have an inkling that I wouldn't have thought this had I been heavy when I dated him. I probably would've been okay with, or at least ignored, the fact that he was still in love with his ex, but would've brushed it aside, thinking "at least I have a boyfriend." But, I think everyone is in your life for a reason, so, despite the fact that that relationship crushed me, it did have a silver lining. I wound up enjoying dancing so much that I kept going to that particular club even after we broke up, and that's where I met my husband.
And that leads us to the last 13 years of my life! I was thin when I met my husband, but, when we started dating we did less dancing and more movies, going out to dinner and the like. When I started working full-time and going to nursing school, I stopped working out. When I started working full time as a nurse I was working night shifts and found out I was pregnant. It seems so quickly, but I managed to go from 140lbs to 268.5lbs. I owe it to myself, and to my family, to be healthy so I can be around for my kids' lives. I want to be active in their lives, I want to be happier with myself so I can teach my kids to do the same. I want to be able to get rid of clothes because I've had them too long, not because I "outgrew" them! Most importantly, I want to like myself again, and know I'm worthy of the wonderful things in my life, for I am truly, truly blessed.
I look back on pictures of me as a toddler and it seems that my birth weight didn't dictate what I was to be like as I got older. I have to admit, I was kind of a cute little kid. But then I had surgery when I was four and had to take antibiotics for a year. Needless to say, no four-year-old likes taking medicine, so my Nana (who helped raise me) would bribe me with whatever goodies I wanted if I only took my pills. I was sold on that, because, let me tell you, my Nana could cook and bake like the best of the chefs on the Food Network! I chubbed up in no time, becoming a third-grader who wore a size 11 in juniors clothing.
Do I put the blame on my Nana? Dear Lord, no! I was the one who continued to eat junk after the antibiotics were done. I was the one who snuck food into the bathroom (the only room for privacy when you're one of five kids!) I was the one who would save my allowance to go buy Hostess Cupcakes and Ho-Ho's at the corner store, eat them on the way home and toss the wrappers in the neighbors' garbage can. Let's face it, I was obsessed with food. Thankfully, puberty was kind to me as I got older. I grew 2 inches and lost 20lbs. between seventh and eighth grades. I still wasn't skinny according to most people, but was thin enough to avoid being made fun of as "the fat girl."
It wasn't until my Nana died, the day before my eighteenth birthday, that I started gaining again. Now I know what you're thinking...I denied that my weight gain was due to a tragic event. But my weight gain after Nana died wasn't from grief or mourning, it was merely the fact that my Mom and I were now the only two people in the house and with Nana doing most of the cooking, neither one of us could barely boil water! So, we ate out just about every night of the week. Now, this was before Morgan Spurlock made "Super Size Me" so it's not like salads were included on any fast food menus. And, to be honest, I doubt I would've ordered one anyway. Food at that point, was just something to fill the hole. Fast food was, well, fast and an easy solution that Mom could pick up for us on her way home. That being said, it was also before the Food Network and "30 Minute Meals" came around too!
Finally, in college, I met a guy who was a competitive dancer. Wow, did I ever fall for him, which didn't work out because A) I was fat and no guy looks at a girl who's fat as anything more than a good friend and B) he had a fiance'. But, after the class we had together ended, he told me that he'd take me dancing at a club he mentioned once I was 21. I had 18 months and was bound and determined to get in shape for dancing with this guy. I joined a gym, something I'd done before and never followed-through with, EVER! I started out by doing cardio 30 minutes/5 days a week. Eventually I increased it to 1 hour of cardio every day and 1 hour of weights every other day. It didn't take long before I could really tell a difference. I had energy, guys were talking to me and not just to get copies of the notes that I took in class, and man, did I ever look good! I still joke that back then, I had the makings of a 6-pack--I had the line down the middle and sides of my abs. Now I finally have the lines going across, but they're rolls instead!
Well I wound up impressing the heck out of the guy when we went dancing, but we only dated for a few months before I realized that he was still had a thing for his (now ex) fiance'. But, the funny thing is, I knew then that I deserved to be someone's first choice, I deserved to have someone love me and ONLY me. I have an inkling that I wouldn't have thought this had I been heavy when I dated him. I probably would've been okay with, or at least ignored, the fact that he was still in love with his ex, but would've brushed it aside, thinking "at least I have a boyfriend." But, I think everyone is in your life for a reason, so, despite the fact that that relationship crushed me, it did have a silver lining. I wound up enjoying dancing so much that I kept going to that particular club even after we broke up, and that's where I met my husband.
And that leads us to the last 13 years of my life! I was thin when I met my husband, but, when we started dating we did less dancing and more movies, going out to dinner and the like. When I started working full-time and going to nursing school, I stopped working out. When I started working full time as a nurse I was working night shifts and found out I was pregnant. It seems so quickly, but I managed to go from 140lbs to 268.5lbs. I owe it to myself, and to my family, to be healthy so I can be around for my kids' lives. I want to be active in their lives, I want to be happier with myself so I can teach my kids to do the same. I want to be able to get rid of clothes because I've had them too long, not because I "outgrew" them! Most importantly, I want to like myself again, and know I'm worthy of the wonderful things in my life, for I am truly, truly blessed.
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