It seems that, when you hear overweight people talk about how they got so heavy, there's either one of two reasons behind it. Either they've been overweight their whole lives, or something traumatic happened to them and they gained weight to deal with their emotions. My reason? Honestly, it's neither. Sure, I joke around and say that after being born just shy of eleven pounds I had nowhere to go but up, but that's not really true. I've had many times in my life when I was at a healthy weight. Never "skinny" per se, but healthy and appropriate for my genetic makeup (i.e. short "sturdy" girl of Scottish and German descent.)
I look back on pictures of me as a toddler and it seems that my birth weight didn't dictate what I was to be like as I got older. I have to admit, I was kind of a cute little kid. But then I had surgery when I was four and had to take antibiotics for a year. Needless to say, no four-year-old likes taking medicine, so my Nana (who helped raise me) would bribe me with whatever goodies I wanted if I only took my pills. I was sold on that, because, let me tell you, my Nana could cook and bake like the best of the chefs on the Food Network! I chubbed up in no time, becoming a third-grader who wore a size 11 in juniors clothing.
Do I put the blame on my Nana? Dear Lord, no! I was the one who continued to eat junk after the antibiotics were done. I was the one who snuck food into the bathroom (the only room for privacy when you're one of five kids!) I was the one who would save my allowance to go buy Hostess Cupcakes and Ho-Ho's at the corner store, eat them on the way home and toss the wrappers in the neighbors' garbage can. Let's face it, I was obsessed with food. Thankfully, puberty was kind to me as I got older. I grew 2 inches and lost 20lbs. between seventh and eighth grades. I still wasn't skinny according to most people, but was thin enough to avoid being made fun of as "the fat girl."
It wasn't until my Nana died, the day before my eighteenth birthday, that I started gaining again. Now I know what you're thinking...I denied that my weight gain was due to a tragic event. But my weight gain after Nana died wasn't from grief or mourning, it was merely the fact that my Mom and I were now the only two people in the house and with Nana doing most of the cooking, neither one of us could barely boil water! So, we ate out just about every night of the week. Now, this was before Morgan Spurlock made "Super Size Me" so it's not like salads were included on any fast food menus. And, to be honest, I doubt I would've ordered one anyway. Food at that point, was just something to fill the hole. Fast food was, well, fast and an easy solution that Mom could pick up for us on her way home. That being said, it was also before the Food Network and "30 Minute Meals" came around too!
Finally, in college, I met a guy who was a competitive dancer. Wow, did I ever fall for him, which didn't work out because A) I was fat and no guy looks at a girl who's fat as anything more than a good friend and B) he had a fiance'. But, after the class we had together ended, he told me that he'd take me dancing at a club he mentioned once I was 21. I had 18 months and was bound and determined to get in shape for dancing with this guy. I joined a gym, something I'd done before and never followed-through with, EVER! I started out by doing cardio 30 minutes/5 days a week. Eventually I increased it to 1 hour of cardio every day and 1 hour of weights every other day. It didn't take long before I could really tell a difference. I had energy, guys were talking to me and not just to get copies of the notes that I took in class, and man, did I ever look good! I still joke that back then, I had the makings of a 6-pack--I had the line down the middle and sides of my abs. Now I finally have the lines going across, but they're rolls instead!
Well I wound up impressing the heck out of the guy when we went dancing, but we only dated for a few months before I realized that he was still had a thing for his (now ex) fiance'. But, the funny thing is, I knew then that I deserved to be someone's first choice, I deserved to have someone love me and ONLY me. I have an inkling that I wouldn't have thought this had I been heavy when I dated him. I probably would've been okay with, or at least ignored, the fact that he was still in love with his ex, but would've brushed it aside, thinking "at least I have a boyfriend." But, I think everyone is in your life for a reason, so, despite the fact that that relationship crushed me, it did have a silver lining. I wound up enjoying dancing so much that I kept going to that particular club even after we broke up, and that's where I met my husband.
And that leads us to the last 13 years of my life! I was thin when I met my husband, but, when we started dating we did less dancing and more movies, going out to dinner and the like. When I started working full-time and going to nursing school, I stopped working out. When I started working full time as a nurse I was working night shifts and found out I was pregnant. It seems so quickly, but I managed to go from 140lbs to 268.5lbs. I owe it to myself, and to my family, to be healthy so I can be around for my kids' lives. I want to be active in their lives, I want to be happier with myself so I can teach my kids to do the same. I want to be able to get rid of clothes because I've had them too long, not because I "outgrew" them! Most importantly, I want to like myself again, and know I'm worthy of the wonderful things in my life, for I am truly, truly blessed.
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